Halaly-Walaly rules for sex.

Now we all know that sex outside of marriage is a big no no in Islam, but did you know that there are rules to having sex once it is all halaly-waly?

So let’s start with when sexy fun time is flat out forbidden:
Shark Week – I mean hey, I totally understand that one. I don’t want my boyfriend anywhere near me or my lady bits when I am bleeding from my uterus.
During the daytime in Ramadhan – Well, you are pretty dehydrated from not being able to drink, so reasonable I guess

Then we have Makruh which means a disliked or offensive act (literally “detestable” or “abominable”):
During frightful natural occurrences, e.g. hurricane, earthquake. – Because I totally want to get it on when my roof is caving in on me. But hey… there are fetishes for all.
From sunset till Maghrib and from dawn till sunrise
The last three nights of lunar months
Eve of the 15th of every lunar month
Eve of 10th Zil-hijjah
This lot is just plain silly. How on earth am I supposed to keep track of the moon when I can’t keep track of socks?

After becoming junub (impure). So basically, I would be able to have sex once, then I would have to go bathe before I could have sex again. What a mood killer. Boners don’t hang around for long. They are time sensitive.

Did you know in Islam they also have recommended times for sexy fun times?
Sunday, Monday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday Nights – Tuesday is a no no apparently. I HAVE NO CLUE WHY.
Thursday at noon.

And finally, there is only one time where it is obligatory to have sex.
ONCE every FOUR months – apparently this is one of the rights of a married woman in Islam. A guy can have sex whenever he wants and his wife must oblige him. If she doesn’t, she has committed a major sin. However, if she wants sex, her husband is only obliged once every four months.

No thanks. I like sex anytime, anywhere without any stupid rules.

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