As I mentioned in my previous Post I saw my family for the first time in six years a few months back and the only thing I can say about it is that it was an honest shit show.
I refused to visit her at her house or to go to a neutral location by myself, so we organised to meet at someone’s house and I brought my partner with me.
During the entire ride there I was having anxiety attacks and we sat outside the house for a while before I could muster up the courage to walk through the doors.
It wasn’t fear of being hurt or anything like that, it was just being near my mother. The best way to describe her is narcissistic. The world revolves around her and her feelings. She has absolutely no regard for other people’s feelings or views. In basic terms, she is a Class A Bitch.
A good example was when I walked through the doors. She walked up to me and goes “I know you don’t like being touched but I am your mother and you must hug me.”
Really, that’s the first thing you say to your daughter you haven’t seen in six years? I remember thinking.
Another instance was when she was asking my partner what he does to relax. His response was that he likes to watch Anime. My sister asked him if he gets invested in the characters and upset when a character dies, he responds in the affirmative.
My mother jumps in going “It’s a cartoon, it’s not real! IT’S NOT REAL!”
Now, my partner is what I would call a militant atheist, he argues with his ageing grandmother about God all the time and I had to grab his knee to stop him from making a snarky comment back at my mother (after we left he said that was going to tell her that her god wasn’t real either! XD).
All throughout the agonizing three hours we were there she was constantly picking on my weight, what I was wearing, how I was sitting and I began to fill like the pathetic weak teenager I had been at home.
After being with my partner for many years we have developed a silent language and we both signaled our desire to leave. We abruptly stood up and said we were leaving and walked out.
I felt nauseous the entire time. I was miserable every second I was there but I learned a very important lesson. My mother does not and will not accept my choices. She will never be happy for me and I am okay with that as I do not need her acceptance or happiness for me.