The Nullifidian

Why I stopped making YouTube videos. 


I recently decided to shut down my YouTube channel and as a result a I have received a number of messages accusing me of being selfish, uncaring and not supportive of the ExMuslim cause. 

This kind of animosity is a factor in why I am removing myself from being as involved in the ExMuslim cause. 

I am not beholden to anyone to make videos, it is not my responsibility to give advice to other ExMuslims. We each have to make our own journeys through life and we should not rely on other people to make that journey with us. 

Then why did you start making videos? 

Well, I thought I could be a voice for ExMuslims. I had the ability to make videos for a group of people that are often silenced and/or ignored. I expected to get hate from Muslims, what I did not expect was the amount of hate I received on an almost constant basis from ExMuslims. 

The “politics” of ExMuslims is confusing and tiring. If you are an ExMuslim and don’t agree with what a prominent ExMuslim says, you must be a fake ExMuslim or a Muslim apologist. Because you don’t agree with calling Muslims “Nazis”, you must be a fake ExMuslim or a Muslim apologist. Because you don’t support a Hijab/Burqa ban, you must be a fake ExMuslim or a Muslim apologist. It never ends. 

I get it. Some ExMuslims are angry, but don’t you ever get tired of being full of so much negativity? As ExMuslims our lives can suck, but only if we let them. I tried to always be positive which leads me to my next factor why I deleted my channel. 

Another reason why I created my channel was because I was constantly hearing depressive stories. ExMuslims who felt as if there was no hope and I wanted to show them that there is hope. That is why I even entered the ExMuslim world in the first place.  Prior to a year ago, I had no idea what an ExMuslim was and to be brutally honest I didn’t care. I had made it out and I had survived. 

I did not set out to be a Da’ee for ExMuslims and as I have previously mentioned being an ExMuslim is a very teeny tiny part of who I am. It is rare for me to have a day where I feel “ExMuslim”. I have built a life for myself outside of the ExMuslim bubble and I had begun to feel as though the ExMuslim label was taking over my life. 

Many people have commented that they appreciate my brutal honesty, it’s one of the main reasons they’ve enjoyed watching my videos. Well here is some brutal honesty. 

I could shut down everything to do with The Nullifidian and never look back. I could return to my ExMuslim free existence and be happy. I would not feel a single bit of guilt or sadness and if that makes you not want to follow me anymore that’s perfectly fine. I don’t live my life to please others and you shouldn’t either.