Parents are Grandmasters at Emotional Manipulation
The sighs of disappointment. The clutching at their chests. The sobbing. The wailing.
You would think that we had murdered someone by the way they go on about things.
“How can you do this to me?”
“You don’t love me anymore.”
“What will the people say?”
Aaaaannnddd there it is. The real reason your parents are upset.
It is a big no no if you leave Islam and when your child leaves Islam it is a reflection on well…..let’s just say that you are a terrible parent.
When I left home, I didn’t care what my parents said to the community. My choice to leave came down to me wanting to maintain my sanity. However, I do know how vicious the Muslim community can be when someone is seen as being weak. They’ll turn into rabid dogs and tear you to shreds.
So out of respect, I removed myself entirely from the Muslim community.
But even that wasn’t enough. A child disappearing still raises questions. So my parents changed their tactics.
When Emotional Manipulation Tactic A doesn’t work, parents will normally try Tactic B.
This is where they’ll use your siblings or other family members as ammunition.
First, They will ban any contact with you. You are a bad influence after all.
Then they will accuse you of ruining your siblings’ futures.
They will say you don’t love them INFACT they will tell your siblings that you hate them.
And finally, they will turn your siblings against you.
The final tactic, which is where they appear to try. This is the most dangerous tactic. They use your own love and hope against you.
“I love you.”
“I just want the best for you.”
“What are your issues with Islam?”
“We can talk about it.”
I really didn’t want to lose my family, so when my parents appeared to be trying I believed them. I will admit, I fell for this a couple of times.
And once you fall, they destroy you. They try to make you feel foolish and stupid. They treat you as though you are just going through a phase. It is a belittling and heart breaking time.
I am not saying this is what every exmuslim experiences. All of our situations are unique to us. Some parents do eventually come around. A dear exmuslim friend of mine has a great relationship with her family.
But sadly many parents don’t.